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Sex Doll Podcast #5 – Emotional Intelligence

Transcript: Hi guys, I haven’t done a podcast for a little while and I often hear people apologising for that kind of thing and they say “Ooh, I haven’t done it” you know and I guess they just prioritised elsewhere. The reason I haven’t done the podcast is probably because I started to overcomplicate it in my mind and I wanted to talk about a particular topic, which is the topic of emotional intelligence. It’s a really large topic and I really wanted to do it justice, I really wanted to go into depth and give some real good information about that but the more I started to think about it and tried to think about what I would talk about I got in deeper and deeper. So I think rather than waiting to do the perfect piece I’m just gonna get into it right now.

So if you’re not aware of the concept of emotional intelligence, it’s very similar to what you would call IQ. So the general measurement of intelligence in the past has been intelligence quotient or IQ and that’s basically, if you look on Wikipedia, something to the affect that it’s a persons ability to reason. So that’s how well you problem solve various things in your life or just problems in general. That obviously is a very good skill to have and if you have a problem in front of you and if you and if you are able to solve that to a high level then that is obviously a very good thing. I don’t know how many years ago, people started suddenly to talk about emotional intelligence and I think there was a few guys who wrote books about it and started to say this is actually really important. In the past they would say a persons IQ was the single determiner of how well you would do in life but there are a lot of very intelligent people out there who have poor quality lives or have a low level of success and one of the reasons for that is sometimes that those people have a low emotional intelligence.

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Now emotional intelligence is, certainly for us guys, often quite a tough thing because we’re not taught really to talk about our feelings or to express ourself or to try and develop that side of things and we often just see it as a bit of a waste of time. However emotional intelligence, if I just do a little web search, will be defined as “the capacity to be aware of, control and express ones emotions and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically”, that’s particularly relevant here because when we are buying dolls, which is for a long time been our primary product, 9 times out of 10 there is generally an emotional issue there. It ranges from some really bad stories that I’ve heard from people in the past who’ve had a really hard time and they’ve gone through some really traumatic episodes in their life and it will range right up to people who are pretty well functional in life, they kind of get on just well but somethings just not quite right there and they just want to relate to a non-human persona in order to work certain things out or in order just to escape from an overburdensome emotional life that the do have. As I said that can range from people with a lot of issues to people with very few issues at all.

Where the dolls come into the emotional intelligence side of things, as I’ve said this before in various interviews, is the lack of judgement and the ability to operate in a personal and physical and a sexual way with another being, so to speak, without any kind of judgement, without any pressure and for you to be able to do that and just not judge yourself and just allow things to develop and come out, that’s a very healing thing and it’s certainly something that can actually increase your emotional intelligence because it allows you to experience things without the pressure and enable you to develop your feelings and observe them and sit with this. Whereas, when we’re trying to develop emotional intelligence with people or when we’re trying to develop them in a hostile or a high pressure environment because your emotions are going crazy in that moment and yet we’re trying to develop them and build them so I don’t think it’s probably the best way to do it if you have emotional intelligence issues.

So, if you take it back to IQ, for example where we’re talking about problem solving that great but if you have a very low emotional intelligence, if you have the emotions of a child and you’ve never developed past that or the emotions of a young person, you might come up with a situation, which to some people wouldn’t be a problem and they’d take it in their stride. Somebody may say something to you that you find really offensive and a good emotional response to that might be to say something to the effect of “OK, who is this person? How much do I value their opinion? Why are they saying that to me? What impact should I have from that? Is there any growth I can do from it?” but that’s generally very far from the reality if someone says something negative to us. Most of us will have that initial reaction and say “I don’t like that” and it’s very difficult to then process, to problem solve because you are in an emotional state where you’re upset or you have a negative feeling about something. So to then in an unbiased way try to solve the problem, that’s very difficult and that’s what then requires a high level of emotional intelligence because that person may have said something cutting to you or about you but because you’ve had a negative reaction your brain inside is screaming “I hate this person. This person’s an idiot. Don’t listen to this person” and it’s very difficult to overcome that and then say “Hang on, does this person have a little bit of a point. Is this something I can reflect on and improve in my life”. So the two of those, a good balance of emotional and a good IQ are together a much better indicator of somebody who is going to have a happy and successful life.

So, I’m curious how many people are aware of the concept of emotional intelligence, are aware of how important such a thing is in their life. Are actively trying to develop their emotional intelligence or maybe you think that feelings are overrated, which, as guys, that’s often something we do, that’s a program that is put into us and I’m not one for being all airy fairy and emotional and things myself but I do like to try and develop my emotional intelligence because it will in a working environment or in a life environment, how you react to people will allow you to develop personal relationships as well. Again, that is what all of this often comes down to, especially with the doll side of things – we are talking personal relationships and, in many cases, we are substituting the dolls for personal relationships and people are doing it just for a sexual basis, some people are creating a relationship and they are actually substituting in a doll in for a person. So instead of actually going out there and getting a girlfriend and getting married that kind of thing, they are getting… you know there are some reasons where people are divorced or they’re widowed and the don’t want to go back out there again and this is the next best thing.

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There are some people who aren’t able to get into that, the personal relationship side of things. Because of what we’ve talked about in the past, they’ve had a hard time, they have various social anxieties and personal anxieties which prevent them from going out there and meeting people. A strange thing, I would say that, personal relationships are better than non-personal relationships in this case which may seem a bit strange for me to say in considering that our prime goal is to sell dolls but it is certainly preferable to have that situation, however as we’re seeing there are definite advantages to the dolls and there are definite times where the doll is the preferable state of affairs. Either because people cannot or do not want to have relationships at that particular stage in their life or they need to work some through some emotional side of things.

So just to finish off I would be really curious how you guys react to this. It might just be basic common sense to a lot of you or it maybe something new to you. I’d really be interested in your experience and if it’s a topic you think we should discuss more and if there are particular parts of it that you would like to know, or like to share or educate the rest of us with.

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6 thoughts on “Sex Doll Podcast #5 – Emotional Intelligence

  1. I scored 150 on IQ test but have poor social skills. Could be because men tend to be more object/systems orientated whereas women tend to be more people orientated.

    Personally I don’t think dolls are ever a substitute for people but they’re great fun! 🙂 Can also be a fun hobby when you get into photography.

    P.S Graham do you use a pop filter for your mic? It was quite noticeable at the start, distracting actually, but was better towards the middle and end. They’re very cheap, worth the investment.

    1. I think high intelligence levels are often a massive problem as people can then tend to rely on their intelligence to solve all of their problems. As you say, without a deep understanding of people and emotions, it’s almost like we’re trying to finish a jigsaw but have a few missing pieces. I’ll get a pop filter for the next podcast 🙂

  2. That is a really interesting talk on the general topic of emotional intelligence, and something that ought to be a lot more in the open. It is not taught, as you say, and people are expected to have it or not have it. Therefore people with issues in this area, instead of being taught to read and write as would happen if they were illiterate, are expected to deal with it somehow, and this can cause huge problems for them and others. It is a form of exclusion, and without wishing to appear to be promoting any political agenda, exclusion creates social problems. From my personal experience however, emotional intelligence can be learnt, or maybe rather developed, and learnt extremely well.

    On the subject of dolls, I see this as one way someone in this situation can not only deal with normal sexual feelings, but by doing so relieve pressures which add to the problem rather than solving it. It may be part of a strategy to break the syndrome, if I can put it that way. As to emotional attachment, let us not forget that we all have inanimate things we value, and become very attached to. Girls have dolls, children have toys, or comfort blankets (I did) and adults can get very attached, indeed emotionally attached, to cars, yachts and planes, houses or even holiday resorts. It is not a bad thing. It is not on the same level as a personal relationship, but it doesn’t have to be.

    1. that’s a great point about it being a form of exclusion – we need to be more inclusive as a society – great points on the rest of what you said too!

  3. Initially I thought it sounded a bit touchy-feely, the sort of thing you encounter in California, but I think a lot of people could benefit from thinking about how they feel about a situation before “hitting out”,although that can be very difficult sometimes. However, I do know some people, whom I consider to be low level sociopaths,who have very little empathy for others,and still form relationships of sorts, because people make allowances for them, “Oh, that’s just how he is”,and they are quite happy to go through life leaving others in their wake. In a way I envy those people, because too much emotion/empathy can be a drain on your whole being.On balance, I would rather feel too much, than not at all.

    1. that’s a really interesting reply and you’re right, those who simply don’t have or block their emotions have a much easier time in life. However, I do feel that if they’re harnessed properly they can have an incredible benefit in life. They could act as a guide or a warning system but not control you.

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